Draft # uhh…

It’s Open Link Night at dVerse Poets. I’m sharing the latest draft of a poem I started ages ago, have been unable to interest anyone in publishing. (Originally titled Half-Dome, inspired by the famous Ansel Adams photo of moonset over that famous peak, over time I’ve dropped that reference altogether and changed the title about a billion times.) 

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transluscent

The Full Empty

Like the almost invisible full moon —
translucent, vanishing into
barely post-dawn air,
I am faded and edgeless; waning.

Come back to me soon; I’m humbled,
lost like the moon in morning,
moving through space, wasted.

I need you now. I need you more
than the shadow-deprived leaves
need the light that floods the
valley floor. I need you more than
oceans of air; more than oceans,
more than even air.

Come back to me soon;
let me savor your sunlight.

—————[|||]—————
Dverse Poets
Open Link Night #274
———[||]———

dverse-nightime-final

17 thoughts on “Draft # uhh…

  1. Hey there Ron, I can see how finely worked and crafted it has become over time. Altogether very beautifully measured… And I sure it won’t be long before someone picks it up for a literary journal. Very fine writing, in my opinion anyway…

  2. Both the moon and sun have been mantled in wildfire smoke, so your poem strikes all the right chords n many of our frustrations.

  3. Such a lovely, poignant and heartfelt piece. I’m in awe of this one, it’s just so enthralling with each description. Literary magazines often do have to reject great work because of their submission pool limit; I have no doubt that you can get this piece into a journal soon, though. Best wishes!

  4. Your pining is keenly felt. As for reworking the poem, perhaps, and this is just a suggestion from what I learned with paintings, that once something is past, it is past. Put it down, be grateful for the life lesson, and leave it in the past. We must be free to create anew, to experience a new. Much success to you, ~Jason

  5. This has such emotional energy! It is a beautiful, yearning love poem. Don’t worry about having it published, I am so pleased you shared it. I get acceptances and rejections, and I’m never quite sure of the logic behind it, but I’m learning not to care as it’s more important for me to touch people’s hearts with my poetry. You have done that for me here.

  6. It was great to see and hear you read your poem at the live Open Link Night, Ron, which I enjoyed. This draft is stunning. I love the title and the way you’ve compared yourself to the ‘almost invisible moon’, ‘faded and edgeless’ and captured emotion between the moon in the opening and the sun in the final line.

  7. We can truly feel faded almost formless and invisible, when we are longing for something or someone. It was so wonderful seeing and hearing you Ron. I really hope Bjorn can keep these going! Hell, I would love for us to go “live” for every OMN. Ron, you should know that you have always been a touchstone of comfort and familiarity for me. Even from years ago when we were posting our poems on other prompt sites. I would smile when I’d see your little avatar face smilin’’’ at me.

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