THURSDAY THIRTEEN

Thirteen Musical Near-Misses

(13 tunes that failed until their high-powered remakes were released)

 —Apologies in advance to those readers too young to recognize some of these oldies—

Here Comes The Son
          –The God Fathers
(Lyrics originally discovered among The Dead Sea Scrolls, set to music centuries later, but never really took off until it was tweaked by the Beatles in the 60s.)

I Started A Yolk
          –H. Penny
(This tune went nowhere until The BeeGees made a joke of it, though some think that The Dixie Chicks could have done it justice.)

By The Time I Get To Phonics
          –Glen Cantspell
(It took a team of six country singers to decipher the lyrics to this one. Even so, no one’s really sure…)

Time In A Boggle
          –The Hasbros
(Jim Croce, hungry for a hit, rewrote this one—one letter at a time…sorta.)

Pizza My Heart
          –Jan (“Eats”) Joplin
(When Big Brother And The Holding Company first heard this, they knew they’d hafta hire a saucy female lead singer to make it a little less cheesy. The rest is history.)

Supper In The City
          –The Leavened Spoonful
(This tune was discovered mid-winter. Nobody wanted to go out. John Sebastian and the boys stayed inside to [re]write it, set in warmer weather.)

Dark Side Of The Mood
          –“Pink” Freud
(An early concept album, all lyrics penned by Sigmund’s younger brother. No one ever really got it, but everyone dug the music.)

You’ve Got A Fiend
          –Jane’s Tailor
(A Goth tale, before there was Goth, about stitching together a companion, Frankenstyle. Redone for 70’s sensibilities, all you have to do is call.)

Just Like Tom Thumb’s Blue Jeans
          –Bob Nylon
(This could have been Nylon’s breakthrough hit but, unfortunately, he remained hooked on synthetics and his career faded.)

Like A Rolling Scone
          –Also by B. Nylon
(This was Bob’s attempt to reach out to a British audience, but it was released too late; Mick and the boys had already stormed the gates of Eden.)

If I Only Had A Hard
          –Undisclosed Author
(One character and one song were deleted from The Wizard Of OZ, for obvious reasons.)

Reelin’ In The Jeers
          –Stanley Dean
(Before Steely Dan got hold of this & made some major changes, it certainly was living up to its title.)

Sweet Child Of Mime
          –Grunts And Rises
(A more recent hit, this one went platinum once lyrics were added.)

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I know you, too, have a list to post at:  THURSDAY THIRTEEN.

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