13 Weird But True
1. In the dark, he puts his slippers on the wrong feet; they walk away from him and are never seen again.
2. The traffic island on the corner of his street keeps changing size, expanding until he finally hits it.
3. Every cloud looks exactly like every other cloud to him, and they all look like big fluffy bunnies.
4. Regardless of what he’s reading, page 34 always demands to be read three times.
5. Even though everyone tells him Panthera leo is king, he secretly worships at the altar of Alces alces.
6. When he cracks eggs in the morning, he can hear starving children screaming in Somalia.
7. His car radio controls the universe.
8. He’s afraid to go to sleep at night because he thinks the day will end and he’ll have to start all over again on a new one.
9. When he has nightmares, he knows he’s having them but he’s afraid to wake up anyway.
10. He blows and blows, but it never goes away.
11. He believes that all the crows he’s ever seen belong to the same band of fifty or sixty crows that have followed him around his whole life.
12. All of his mail consists of self-addressed envelopes, mailed to him by his alternate personalities, most of whom he has never met.
13. No matter how he translates it, it still makes perfect sense.
Oh, for the love of god, Listoid, get over there and see Mr Linky at THURSDAY THIRTEEN, willya?